Phileo Love inside the Marriage

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     Fresh off of the wonderful marriage retreat weekend, all educated on the agape love that I am to have for my husband, I was pretty full of myself when I picked up my study of Titus 2 and came to verse 4.  I was so sure I knew all about what Paul was talking about. After all, I had just heard approximately 3 hours of preaching on agape love in addition to a couple of breakout sessions and a closing message that focused on practically applying this knowledge.  So, imagine my surprise when I look up the word for love in Titus 2:4 and find out that it is not agape used, but phileo!  Phileo love is the brotherly kind of love.  It means you really, really like someone!  Whoa! OK. What does that mean?  I mean, I know I am called to love my husband with that love also.  However, I had always just assumed that this verse referred to agape love.  

    Agape love means that we love unconditionally and regardless of feelings or the other party deserving that love.  It is  pretty hard to carry out.  

    How do we foster the phileo love for our husbands, ladies?  I found a few tips from mature, Godly ladies that I would like to share.  It really goes hand in hand with agape love, of course.  The emphasis is on the friendship side of love - or brotherly love - however. 

    Yes! We need to be friends with our husbands.  We spend time with our friends.  We hang out with our friends.  We do things with our friends.  We laugh, cry and have heart-to-heart talks with our friends.  We vent our frustrations to our friends.  Do we do this with our husbands, ladies? Phileo love refers to the kind of love that is affectionate, respectful, and find pleasure in the other's company.  Phileo love is loyal and trustworthy. Now, it seems that agape and phileo do overlap.  But phileo love is a feeling.  How do we create a feeling that may not be present?  Through obedience to God's Word, God places His love in us.  His love encompasses all of the types of love, including phileo love.  We can trust Him to work in us and through us to provide us with the tools to obey and carryout what He calls us to do. 

    Practically, this could mean that we need to develop hobbies or past-times that we don't naturally enjoy in an effort to foster a companionship or friendship with our husbands.  I pray that our Saviour is your primary common interest, because this will give your relationship a bedrock foundation.  But seeking out and sharing other interests will demonstrate your commitment to loving your husband like Jesus loves.  Shared interests is usually one of the foundations of a friendship.  Ladies, it is OK to learn to like something new.  Football, fishing, golf, cooking, and yes, even wrestling (😝) can be shared activities that leads to, or strengthens, that phileo love for your husband.  We encourage and build up our friends through words and actions.  Do we do that for our husbands?  Do we put more effort into fostering that friendship with our husbands than we do with our girlfriends?  

   So, from Titus 2 today, I want to challenge you to add to agape love for your husband.  The phileo love is a command that is equally important. Ladies, if you already enjoy a great friendship with your husband, praise God.  Don't let it dwindle away.  Foster and cherish that relationship.  God wants us to have marriages that are a picture of His love.  Imagine the church that is filled with families that live out Christ-like love for one another.  God does not ask us to do anything that He has not equipped us to do.  He promises to be the love that will flow out of us if we open up ourselves to Him.  

Soli Deo Gloria!

💓 Heather Sparks💓

    

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